Mom, You’re a Hypocrite

*A little different than what I’ve been posting to my blog on my site…

Mom, You’re a Hypocrite!

Ah, my initial response to my daughter’s indictment? Denial.

Right, isn’t that right? I’m not a hypocrite – I believe in everything I say and do.

But, wait a minute.

Then why am I standing here with my hands on my hips, lying to my daughter’s face?

In the past, I’ve nodded my head vigorously when I’ve heard people say: “Practice what you preach or change your speech.” Amen, I’ve thought to myself and turned on my heel to step into my own real life, seemingly oblivious to all the times my talk doesn’t match my walk.

When the rubber meets the road (how many tired clichés can one person use?), the honest truth is that sometimes those ideals, those very values we hold so dear to the core and aspire to live up to, are beyond our reach on our worst days, in our worst moments.

Maybe that’s why most of us, from the professionals to the religious to the lay person, have so much to say about judging others, because it’s a danger to ourselves and others. Judging others only drives us apart. It often leaves the judger sitting alone with a crowd around pointing fingers back at him or her. It seems that judging others has more to say about what you think of yourself than what you think of others. The Bible also speaks out against judging others: “Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others, or it will all come back against you. Forgive others, and you will be forgiven. Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full – pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.”  (Luke 6:37-38)

It seems that the only wisdom there is in judging is so that I can judge the difference between right and wrong for what I should say and do and be involved in. Having sound judgment can certainly serve to keep my own self on the straight and narrow but using it to measure another person’s behavior and choices only leads me off into wild and dangerous territory.

But what about me as a mom, then? If, as a general rule, I should strive to refrain from judging, then what am I to do with my role as parent? Don’t I need to make judgment calls so that I can guide my child and hold her accountable to the consequences for the choices she’s made?

How can an imperfect parent do this job? Any area of weakness, any wrongdoing at all on your part will be caught by your child. You can be sure of it. Endless teaching moments abound when this happens – morality, ethics, theology galore, right there in your home.

I may not be perfect, and I may, according to Webster’s definition, be a hypocrite. But I’m trying. Most of us are trying. And my daughter is trying too. And here’s the epiphany in the kitchen: my job, as a mother, is not to be perfect; rather it’s to take every opportunity to point to the One who is perfect and loves us, both me and my child, whether or not we are perfect. My job is to be a steward, taking care of what I’ve been given to represent the owner’s interests as well as possible. The challenge in this set up is that while I’m a little farther down the journey in life, I’m not actually any more inherently perfect than the child (that daughter!) I’ve been given to steward.

Now it's not a completely new concept, but it takes the responsibility of parenting to a more honest level. It is an epiphany, right, even though it happened in my kitchen, while I chopped vegetables and worked through my daughter’s accusation of hypocrisy in my mind and heart?

Sometimes we both fail. Like when we just recently raised our voices, both said things we regret and then jumped to conclusions. In this failing though, we do not negate the One who is perfect. We trust Him to strengthen us for the life He’s given us to live. As He works out His purpose in our lives, we partner with Him, a work in progress. He remains good and true and trustworthy even when we, in our pursuit of Him, fail to exemplify Him. He does not change or alter because of mine or yours or my daughter’s failure.

So, I do confess that I’m a hypocrite. There have been times, many actually, where I haven’t applied in my conversation, relationships and choices, what I say I aspire to, what I really believe in my heart is true. My daughter’s declaration of the truth is reality and it puts me and her on more common ground.

Even though I am her mother and within that role I have a job to do, certain things I am responsible for in taking care of and raising her, I am not any more perfect that she is. Her seeming indictment of my hypocrisy is just a reminder that my primary aim is to help her understand what it is to be in process, to need to ask for, give and receive forgiveness, to keep trying and in the end to know that it’s all based on God’s grace and mercy because He is the perfect measure of love.

Therefore, even though I stand condemned, she stands beside me, no better or worse than me. None of us can use the fact that those around us are hypocrites to dismiss the One who sets the perfect standards – all that is right and good and true. Simply because I don’t always measure up doesn’t mean that what I’m aspiring to or hope my daughter aspires to isn’t true. I am not the measure of God or what is right. I am just here doing my best. We are all trying to do our best. And when our best is not enough, thank God He is. For all of us.