2020 - To Vote or Not to Vote

The Presidential Debates last night were not very “presidential” in demeanor or decorum. Is there anyone who watched it and would disagree?

The level of disrespect in discourse represented last night demonstrates deeper problems – problems that many of us interact with daily. There’s a systemic disrespect that flagrantly demeans people at the grocery store, standing in line; violently divides people in a classroom, in a church, on social media.

The art of civil discourse isn’t just something lost in presidential debates, it’s something we – the people on main street – can’t bring ourselves to do either. As a repatriating American (lived abroad for 13+ years), these regular encounters (personally or observed) have offered the most shocking re-entry, cultural experiences.

Wow.

But to acknowledge current reality (as negative as it may be) is the place we have to start as we aim to construct something better for our future (right?).

We’re parents with children approaching voting age or will be voting for the first time (possibly). The question foremost on our minds last night was this: how do we break through the mud and fog – emotional manipulation, childish name-calling, some pretty radical ideas, unfounded accusations – to get to substance that actually matters? How do we keep young, voting age people engaged?

Covid-19 has thrust upon us new and inescapable realities – many of them unpleasant and just plain negative. Our present political reality is much the same. Complaining about it, wishing it was different, denying it, or just throwing up our hands in despair and walking away won’t change the present reality.

If you, like me, are worn down by the deconstruction of so much around us on a daily basis, then I’d like to encourage us to engage in some problem-solving: how can we constructively help our young adults navigate this American mess.

Admittedly we all bring our unique perspectives informed by our experiences to our parenting and communication style. To be upfront about mine: I raised my two children outside of the U.S.A. and our family’s cross-cultural, multi-ethnic and repatriation experience may allow us to look at American culture and politics more objectively at times and at other times, more prejudicially.

Disclaimer: at the present time, neither of my children envision their adult lives in the U.S.A.; they aren’t very “patriotic;” and they don’t understand American values and founding principles the same way I do.

Maybe your children resonate the same way for different reasons. I’m not a sociologist or a scholar to speak with any authority about the reasons why our young adults are disillusioned with our country and its future. Certainly, we can all speculate about the reasons, or may clearly know the reasons why from our own firsthand experience. Exploring those reasons and assigning judgment or blame detracts from our purpose here though, to help our young adults authentically engage with messy American politics and the voting process.

As I’ve interacted with young people, I see three basic groups: 1. Those who believe we need to take apart the whole system at the roots and start over with a new one. 2. Those who are confused, don’t know who to trust, and still feel some responsibility to engage for something better. 3. Those who are disillusioned, disgusted, and disengaged.

In your home, with your young adults, how are you engaging to provide some assistance for the murky waters we all need to wade in? Here’s some conversations happening in our home:

1. Learn to fact check the fact-checker who is checking that fact! Remember what you learned about research papers: find the original sources. It’s a lot of work, but it pays off in the end by providing truth and evidence to back it up. If we’ve learned one thing clearly these past six months – you can’t rely on the “fact-checker” to check the “facts”. Even though you’d rather play another video game or spend more time on TikTok, your critical thinking skills will pay off for you here.

2. The old adage “Every story has two sides” is true, and most times more than two. The whole truth usually includes the good, the bad, and the ugly – all three, all the time, even our historical “heroes.” This is a story we share collectively – every success, every failure, we bleed out the same into a history that doesn’t leave any of us untouched. Dig deep. Ask questions. Be constructive working toward a better future for us all.

3. Be the change – it’s more than all right to ask questions, even if it’s “not the right question.” To “be the change” implies positive action, a process of upbuilding and construction. If something needs to change, find a way to be part of the solution.

4. Beware the “American Bubble!” America’s ethnocentrism, egoism, narcissism is a real part of the American mess. It may be easier to recognize from abroad than from within, but its reality forces us to lose big picture perspective that will certainly clarify.

5. Put issues, images, and personas in perspective. Ask yourself what’s really going on here? How do we get to the issues and the substance once the bluster of personas and the shock of images pass away?

6. How can we rely on our country’s founding documents and principles even though our founders were deeply flawed? How can a framework like this help us discern issues as we construct a better future? This one requires us to look at what young adults learned at their international schools overseas and the public schools here in the U.S.A., and then supplement with more perspectives and more historical information when gaps are exposed.

If there’s one thing we’ve learned from 2020, we have learned to live where we are, no matter how bad it feels, not wishing for tomorrow or grieving too long for yesterday. This is our present moment and how will we help construct a future we will inevitably be a part of?